My driver’s love and divorce testimony – Life and death in the tongue

I was traveling recently and got into a discussion with my elderly driver. He’s driven me so many times before but I’ve never really had a personal discussion with him until today. It started with me asking about his plans for Christmas, to which he responded that he would be spending it with his children. I then enquired about his wife. The answer to this question led to one of the most inspiring faith stories I’ve heard in a while. I also learnt some important life lessons from a 62-yr old about the power of our words when young in shaping our life. I hope it encourages you.

The backdrop

He responded: we were divorced for 18 years but now we’re getting back together. I thought wow, how is that even possible? What changed?

They got married in 1983 when he was 21 and she was 19 years old, they stayed married for 19 years, then divorced in 2002. Naturally, I wondered what happened. He mentioned that he had to change countries for economic reasons. After managing to transfer his children, when it came to transferring his wife, this was in 1997 i.e. 14 years after marriage, he said her mother discouraged her from moving to join him so she never did. Five years later, they were divorced. This is all he told me.

For the 18 years that they were divorced, neither of them re-married, but he had a partner for most of that period. This partner however didn’t want to get married, so eventually, after many years, they got separated.

Faith in action – Believing the impossible

The fascinating part of this story was that during those 18 years, he told me that when his wife was having family meals with the children (looks Ike the kids eventually moved back to be with their mother), she continued to keep a mat for him on the table, indicating her faith that one day her husband would return to her. The wife had gotten much closer to God during this period and kept her petitions before Him. Later on in his life, he also found God and started going to Church. Bottom line, around 2020, 18 years since 2002 when they divorced (at this time he was 58 and she was 56 years old), he went back to her to initiate the process of them re-marrying. I asked him if she made it difficult, but he said no. Wow!

His reflections on divorce

Now 62 and she 60, he’s had enough time to reflect and he shared some problems that his divorce caused. During those 18 years, he continued to meet his family responsibilities to his children. However, the divorce led to a fractured relationship with his son. When the father invited the son to start using the father’s second car for pickup business, the son responded angrily, referencing the problems the father caused them as children when he divorced their mother. My driver also mentioned that the process of moving the children between different cities when they were young, led to some social challenges for the children. My driver then went on to tell me that now that he’s found God, he’s realized that what’s most important is for them to all forgive each other and whatever mistakes were made, for them to find ways to move beyond them. He is now ready to do whatever it takes to restore the family to normalcy.

His reflections on the power of his tongue

Another interesting thing he told me reflects the power of the tongue. He said that when he was a young man in university, he often joked with his friends that if you marry young, you can divorce and marry again. Some 40 years later, you’re reading the story of his life. I’m not saying that he went into the marriage with the intention of divorcing his wife (as he even said that the divorce was very painful for him personally), but that the impact of his loose words those 40 years ago as a young man, subsequently shaped how his life unfolded.

In a similar story, I have a senior acquaintance who often boastfully told his wife and children that at 50, he could marry another wife and start his life again. Guess what, around 50, he ran into all sorts of financial troubles, got separated from his wife, ended up marrying someone else and fracturing his relationship with his family. 🤕🥺😢

There are quite a few Bible verses that we should all keep in mind that caution us about the power of our words:

• Proverbs 18:21 (AMP): “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.”

• Proverbs 13:3 (AMP): “The one who guards his mouth [thinking before he speaks] protects his life; The one who opens his lips wide [and chatters without thinking] comes to ruin.”

• Proverbs 12:13-14 (GNT): ““The wicked are trapped by their own words, but honest people get themselves out of trouble. Your reward depends on what you say and what you do; you will get what you deserve.”