A wealthy, wise and beautiful wife – Abigail

In recent weeks, I’ve been taking detailed notes while studying my Bible. I’ve been reading 1 Samuel and one character whose personality stuck with me was Abigail – 1 Samuel 25. In this post, I do two things: 1) summarise my takeaways from the characters of Nabal and Abigail; and 2) reflect on Abigail’s wisdom and wifely characteristics that ultimately made her attractive to her husband – a future king.

Contrasting Nabal and Abigail

Nabal

• Rich
• Had many servants and possessions
• Alcoholic
• Loved to throw a big party
• Selfish
• Foolish
• Wicked
• Insolent
• Ill-tempered
• Rude
• Badly behaved
• From the House of Caleb
• He lived in Maon (hilltop area with a nearby wilderness where David hid from Saul; Maon is a descendant of Caleb, meaning Nabal was living in his ancestral land)
• He did his business in Carmel (known as very fruitful and beautiful, whose soil was exceedingly rich. It was on Mount Carmel that Elijah called Israel together and destroyed the prophets of Baal (I Kings 18:19-42). In Song of Solomon 7:5, the head of the bride is likened to Carmel. In Isaiah 35:2 we read of the excellency of Carmel and Sharon. In essence, Carmel was a prosperous land but riddled with idol worshippers and sin).

In Nabal’s response to David’s men, he revealed not only his selfishness and foolishness, but also lack of understanding that all he had came from God.

• He disregarded David’s kindness to his men when they could have been robbed
• He described his possessions as ‘mine’ or ‘my’, believing he had them because of himself or his efforts
• Nabal also sabotaged his leadership staging in life by his lack of people and relational skills
• He grew wealthy and satisfied, feeling he didn’t need to build relationships
• He forgot or disregarded how others had blessed or helped him in the past. God calls us to love our neighbours as ourselves
• Nabal’s ill temper, rudeness, wickedness and bad behaviour was well known by his servants who found it unusual to speak bad about their master to his wife who they knew was wiser and more discerning
• Ultimately, he died ten days after throwing a big party and getting very drunk; “his heart died within him”

Abigail

• Rich – married to Nabal
• Had a number of maidens (at least five)
• Godly
• Very beautiful
• Acts swiftly and understood the value of time – doesn’t delay when action is required given what’s at stake
• Wise
• Tactful
• Discerning
• Humble
• Respectful
• Generous
• A leader of men (her husband’s servants trusted her) and women (her maidens)
• Probably hands-on with cooking and home duties
• Trusted and respected by her husband’s servants
• She was probably from Carmel because when Nabal died, David sent his servants to find Abigail in Carmel and not Maon where Nabal lived, indicating that she may have returned to her family. As mentioned earlier, Carmel was a prosperous land where Nabal did business, indicating that she may have come from a wealthy family

I don’t have an answer for these questions yet but they’re worth your ponder – perhaps drop your thoughts in the comments – 1) How/why did a woman like Abigail end up marrying a man like Nabal? 2) How did Nabal end up this way, considering that he was from a godly and honourable lineage, the House of Caleb (NB: Caleb was the brave and godly man whose great faith in God caused him, along with Joshua, to encourage the fainthearted Israelites to take possession of the land of Canaan).

Abigail’s wisdom and plea tactic

We should pray for a godly, wise and discerning wife like Abigail. Her wisdom to act when you’ve done foolishly can save your possessions and life. Abigail was also respectful of her husband and patient, despite his rude and wicked behaviour. She had tact, knowing when to speak and keep silent. She also had a long term perspective to life, and was blessed with intuition from God. This enabled her to act swiftly to diffuse the impending doom situation between David and Nabal, knowing how to approach David and what to say to him. Further, she knew what to say and that she needed to respond quickly when David asked for her hand in marriage.

Flattery and high praise were quite common tactics used when trying to secure favour from a powerful person. David used this tactic when he sent his men to request food from Nabal. Abigail also used this tactic when she pleaded with David to spare her life and to remember her when he becomes king. But beyond flattery, Abigail showed deep wisdom in her plea approach to David:

1. She showed deep humility, respect and a full understanding of what was at stake by falling on her face before David
2. She firmly dissociated herself from Nabal and the evil that had transpired with David’s men
3. She made David see that he was about to go commit sin but that God had intervened by sending her
4. She didn’t come empty handed but had generous presents in hand; not random presents, but well thought out items that she knew would be highly valued by David and his men – food and related items
5. She wrapped it up by speaking futuristic and prophetic things into David’s life and re-emphasizing things that were deeply important to him i.e. the saving of his life from Saul and becoming king over Israel. Basically, she connected with David at a deep and emotional level.
6. She said and did all this mixed with praise for David i.e. she understood the role of a man’s ego

David’s proposal to marry Abigail

After Nabal died, David sent his men to propose his desire to marry Abigail. He probably admired her character traits and saw her fit to be his wife and future queen, but was also attracted by her beauty (I’ll deep-dive on David’s behavioural traits in a future note). Abigail hurried to accept David’s marriage proposal. Her swift decision may have been partly driven by the fear of turning down a powerful warrior and his soldiers. Perhaps she acted on the intuition that if she missed this opportunity, she may live to regret it. Whatever the case, she knew a couple of things about David, partly revealed to her by the Holy Spirit but also from observation:

• David would be king
• David was a man that listened to wisdom even from a woman in those days;
• David was an excellent, hard-working and skilled man
• David had a great reputation and name in the land
• David was a leader of men (and women)
• David was a better man than the one she had been married to all those years
• She (and her maidens) would have protection from David and his men
• She was also a wealthy woman with means, one with fine tastes, so why not marry a man who could take care of her and her maidservants. She clearly had a lifestyle to maintain, which is probably why she left with her maidservants, and also an act of kindness towards them since the man of their house was no longer alive.

There’s a lot to unpack from this one chapter so I urge you to study it for yourself. God bless you.

NB: The image is AI generated 🤓